So far, this season of The Bachelorette has been KILLING ME with how G-Rated its been. But then I remembered that ABC is owned by Disney and now I’m actually surprised it hasn’t been totally G-Rated all along (I mean, we all remember the Ben and Courtney skinny dip from last season. Maybe fans across the globe were totally up in arms about Ben’s skanky ways and forced ABC into airing the most G-Rated season in Bachelor/ette history???)
One shot from this weeks episode that really made me smirk was when Emily and all the guys on this week’s group date brought their glasses in for a standard Bachelor/ette “cheers” and Emily’s wine glass was met with a bunch of waters on the rocks. Seriously. Can you imagine a Dave Good or a Jesse Kovacs on this season? I guess it’s because the producers (hopefully) try to pick a bevy of suitors that’d be suitable for Emily’s core values, which I guess is why we’re hearing more about God and “faith-based families” from the guys….while they sip on water. But – even if your core values are squeaky clean, that doesn’t mean you need to act like a little kid when you date. (Every time I hear her or one of the guys mention something about having a “crush,” I can’t help but think of them all as little high schoolers wanting to steal a kiss behind the gym after school.)
And what is up with all the GRILLING and the QUESTIONS?!?! Emily needs to “calm down.” C Lo wrote a great wrap-up piece about this week’s group date grilling session here.
Ok, enough of my whining…. Let’s see what some of your favorite former castmates and fan bloggers thought about this week’s episode!
A super fun animated recap from blogger Sophienette: As we say goodbye to Stevie, here is a little farewell dance:
From former Bachelorette Jillian Harris: “I was so confused by Kalon’s moves; I have no clue what he’s thinking. This dude is walking on thin ice. I’m pretty sure he’ll be firing up his chopper next week to head back home.
I also must say, it was great to see some fire in Emily—I didn’t think she had it in her. These guys are going get put through the ringer, and rightfully so. She deserves the world! I remember during my journey on The Bachelorette, that this was around the time when I started to get fed up with the guys who I knew weren’t there for the right reasons, so I started to get a bit feisty. And I think that’s a good thing, because it means Emily knows what she’s looking for! It looks like Bermuda is on tap for next week…and that means more boys with less clothes, hehe!”
From Jason Mesnick’s season — and Bachelor Pad 1 winner — Natalie Getz: “Emily takes Arie to Dollywood to meet Dolly Parton. You know, just a typical first date. Totally normal. Emily is apparently Dolly’s biggest fan, so this is really neat to see. It’s so clearly obvious that Emily and Arie are going to make it far together. They have such a wonderful thing going on right now. Their passion for each other is undeniable! I feel as though the two of them can be in a room with nothing but silence and have the most incredibly time. I want to quickly address the recent news about Arie. It’s not fair to judge someone on their past, especially when it’s posted on a gossip web site. I started reading the article and never finished for two reasons. It was really long and I have severe ADD, and also because you can’t believe everything you read. Everyone is having a cow that he was at a party at the Playboy Mansion and hooked up. Side note: The Playboy Mansion isn’t what everyone thinks it is. It’s pretty much just another nightclub in a mansion setting. So what if he was there and met a girl? Such is life and living it. Making mistakes and learning from them.”
From Jillian Harris’ season — and Bachelor Pad 1 winner — Dave Good: “Kalon sits down with her and is super weird. First off he looks like a serial killer and is sun burnt real bad so his face is glowing orange to make it worse. He then snaps on Emily to follow through with his serial killer look saying, “I like hearing you talk but let me finish” in a very rude way. Emily is like whoa!
The rest of the show is pretty boring so I am going to dedicate the rest to my man Alessandraoseana. The convo he had with Emily was so awkward and he made her feel so uncomfortable, I was sure he was a serial killer. Pretty sure he had 3 bodies in a freezer at home and 2 under his long bangs.
However after watching the outtakes I was laughing so hard I think I peed my pants a little. This guy is hilarious. You have to laugh at him because I don’t think he means any harm, he is just goofy. He tells Emily’s friends that he had a serious relationship…WITH HIS THIRD COUSIN and has cheated on a girl…WITH HIS THIRD COUSIN…had a one night stand…WITH HIS THIRD COUSIN. He has a speech problem that makes it hard for him to communicate so he seems awkward but like he said he “is a gypsy and born to run.” Hahaha. Laughing so hard at this.”
From Ben Flajnik’s season, Jaclyn Swartz: “The boys go to a playground and any Emily leaves to go talk to her friends. THESE ARE HER FRIENDS!!! Emily is a 26-year-old BABE. Did I miss this in episode 1 when they had a koombaya around a picnic table? I mean, maybe I should start hanging out with Emily’s friends…just sayin’.
Wendy is the funniest chick ever and I couldn’t wait to hear what verbal diarrhea was going to occur next. She literally wet her pants over Sean.
Ryan makes the comment of the night when he says if Emily let herself go and get fat, he would still love her, but not love on her as much. LOVED IT. I saw all of the reactions people had around the inter-webs. Honesty is a virtue. (Is that right? I am known to mess up phrases. Like once I said “Ignorance is golden” and I have NEVER lived it down). I wish people would stop taking this show SO seriously at every moment and learn to take a joke. I couldn’t stop laughing. So thanks for entertaining me, Ryan! Oh, and plus, it’s true. If my hub turned to flub, he ain’t getting “loved on.”
From the Bachelorette herself, Emily Maynard: “The rose ceremony was crazy, to say the least! Alessandro’s comments definitely threw me for a loop, but that wasn’t even the craziest thing he said. What you all didn’t get to see is that he thinks of himself as a “Vampire Detector” and let me know that not only was there a vampire in the house, but he also had me join him in the woods, which explains my combat boots as I was walking him out.
When he took me out to his special place in the woods, I saw that he had hung crosses from every limb on every tree and in that moment I knew we were living on completely different planets. I do appreciate Alessandro’s honesty, but maybe he should try to keep a house plant alive before we test his skills out on my daughter!”
From Ashley Hebert’s season, West Lee: “Second one on on date goes to Arie. Emily, apparently unaware of the axiom that states “those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it,” packs up her racer in a small prop plane and heads to….DOLLYWOOD! Honestly, last week we went to West Virginia. This week it’s Dollywood. Thank God these kids are leaving the country next week, because the only logical next step here is cow-tipping in Myrtle Beach.
From former Bachelorette Ashely Hebert: ” I was very surprised to see Emily take Chris on a one-on-one date so early in the season. She keeps telling him how gorgeous he is and that she would never have the courage to approach him in normal circumstances. Hmmm? Don’t get me wrong, he seems like a really nice guy, and he’s attractive, but Emily is in a different league than him. No question. Is my TV screen playing tricks on me? Even though Emily gives Chris a hard time for only being 25, Chris seems to be wise beyond his years. He’s a good guy, but I was missing the sparks! The verdict: just a BUD.
Like I said last week, Ryan has quickly fallen out of my top list for Emily, and this episode, he’s fallen even further out of it. He had the first one-on-one date and thinks he has the strongest connection with her. It’s one thing to be confident and another to be cocky. Unfortunately, I got a really bad vibe of the latter with him this week. On top of that, he told Emily he would not be okay if she gained weight as they got older. I understand trying to be “real” and honest, but he could have been honest in a better way. For example, Ryan, you could have said, ‘If you gain weight, I will go running with you every day, and make you a special smoothie after.’ Take notes men. Oh, and don’t call our Arie “dainty.” Watch yourself Ryan! The verdict: STUD turned to DUD.
I don’t know about you all, but I’ve been waiting for this one-on-one date with Arie. I’m all for Emily finding a great dad for Ricki, and a man that is ready to take on a husband/father role, but I’m also ready for things to start steaming up! I knew Arie’s date would do just that! Emily and Arie have such a real attraction and connection, it’s palpable. He seems super genuine with his answers. There really is nothing to not like about Arie at this point. On top of the good conversation, their kissing is STEAMY. Emily looks like a really great kisser! Am I allowed to say that? I just love that they got to experience Dollywood together and actually meet Dolly. It could be a memory they will never forget. The verdict: STUD.”
From Ashley Elgin, The Bachelor Expert: “I have been waiting for this one-on-one since the beginning of the season. Arie and Emily are equally as beautiful. Hello Dollywood! Arie says, he didn’t know Dolly was into that kind of thing. I didn’t know Arie knew anything about Dolly Parton.
From fan blogger Lincee of ihategreenbeans:
Here’s what we definitely know:
1. Emily is not playing around when it comes to choosing her husband.
2. Her friend Wendy should be on every episode from here on out.
3. Dolly Parton is an American icon.
4. Arie can kiss.
5. Kalon is a d-bag.
6. Sean is slowly winning me over.
7. Ryan is slowly losing me under.
8. If I never see another wall/mountain/cliff/gorge climbing and or dropping date that results in conversation about conquering fears, I will give each of you $100 million.
9. RIP Shelly.
10. My mini recap is up at Huffington Post (CLICK HERE).
From TV fashion blogger Dana Weiss (aka Possessionista):
Copyright Possessionista Media, LLC
From blogger Knox McCoy: “Apparently, Maynard rented her faux friends for two entire weeks, so she wanted to put the money to use. We listen to the girls dish about Maynard and how she’s totally a Samantha from SATC for being in the paper about rock climbing with UGB. Maynard tells the friends that she wants them to ask the guys tough questions.
Boys, these is muh fuhreends to see who is wurthee of being muh husband!
The guys react like Hans Landa is going to be interrogating them or something. It’s literally a group of soccer moms. Not that soccer moms are inherently bad, they just aren’t a FBI interrogator with a lie-detector kit. It’s a group of women who’d rather be doing yoga, but Doug is still dry-heaving and the Almost Albino passed out or something.
Back from commercial, and the questioning begins.
Travis, the idiot with the egg who is compelling only because of the stupid dinosaur egg.
Wolf John says something about his “girl friend” and the friends are like Say what now? And Wolf John is like, LOL, sorry my friends that are girls. Yeah right. Wolf John TOTALLY has a girlfriend because that’s not the verbiage you casually throw out in a setting like this.
HEY GUYS! Guys. Hey guys, listen. I have a question. What do you think Stevie did for the friends? He did a math equation, right! Haha Jay Kay, Jay KAy. He danced for them. You didn’t see that coming did you?
The Albino says the he comes from a family centered on faith and he’s either a Scientologist or I’ve just never heard it said like that.
Maynard’s blonde friend must have a really unhappy marriage because she’s eye-sexing the Albino so hard that she’s about to get him pregnant.”
From blogger Lost Angeles: “Lady Veneers has effectively replaced the helicopter with the far more boring private plan as they puddle hop around the scenic armpit of the USA. I mean, didn’t Ricki Bobbi’s dad die in a plane crash? Like, on Brad’s season being at the racetrack fucked her head up, but now she can date a race car driver and fly tiny planes around the south? Lost.
And what better place to be lost than DOLLYWOOD!
A celebration of country music, roller coasters and places I will probably never go, Speed Racer and Chompers roll around Dollywood continuing her tour of places this poor bastard will have to hang out at if he wins her heart. Then, in SHOCKING FORM, Dolly Parton herself came out to surprise Emily. You never expect the Muppets.
This was actually a great moment. Besides the fact that Speed Racer can’t dance, Emily was so excited I was actually happy with her and you kind of have to respect Dolly for being 200 years old, a silicon pioneer and faithful to her man. She also, subsequently, sings awesome and is a delight in most movies she’s in. I was happy for everyone.”
From Jillian Harris’ season, Michael Stagliano: “The guys think they have a competitive day of sports ahead; they meet E.M. in the park, start throwing a football around only to watch her walk away shortly after they arrive. We quickly learn that the guys will actually be meeting Emily’s friends, and if they aren’t excited enough about that, EVEN BETTER they get to hang out with 16 little kids after that… (HOLY LET DOWN OF A DATE…Ben’s season literally didn’t have an episode without a helicopter in it…)
Three things emerge from the start of this date:
1. Wolf is incapable of doing an interview without swearing.
2. Ryan has a little cockiness/competitiveness that is NOT working for him.
3. Sean, a seemingly unknown from the last two episodes, is awesome, and steps up HUGE.
The guys meet with Emily’s friends. Nothing crazy happens except Wendy is in love with Sean. I like her vibe. I imagine she is incredibly fun and cherished by Emily as a friend. I had my “eyes covered” moment when Stevie started dancing. And I feel bad hating on this guy so much. But DAMN IT. Correct me if I am wrong, when a guy dances, it should be smooth, on beat, and should turn women on. THE SECOND he started dancing, I was like, “No…no no. Stevie, don’t. No…don’t pop-lock. Oh god…It’s the robot/pop/lock 8th grade dance circle moves.” YIKES. SO BRUTAL. Ladies, on behalf of all men, I apologize…we can dance better than that.”
From Brad Womack’s second season, Ashley Spivey: “Now we finally all get to stare at Arie and poor Emily can’t even look at him – she’s terrified of roller-coasters and keeps her eyes closed the whole time! Open your eyes Em and look at the amazing piece of mancandy that is Arie!!!!
Because the producers tortured her by putting her on a roller coaster, they decide to reward her by introducing her to her idol – Miss Dolly Parton! I really thought it was adorable how surprised and excited she was!
She’s so happy!!!
If you have read my blog since Ashley’s season, you’ll know that I love to analyze kisses! Arie wins major points in my book for giving Emily forehead kisses! This is something so intimate that you usually only do once you feel very comfortable around a person!
I love that Arie was looking at Emily the entire time! Both Ryan and Chris looked at both country performers a lot, but Arie only has eyes for Em!
At dinner, Arie opens up about his past love and how ready he was for kids! Emily is obviously impressed but she plays a little joke on Arie by acting like he isn’t going to get the rose. Luckily, Arie has a sense of humor and he actually laughs when Emily makes a joke. (Yeah, I’m looking at you Ryan!)
The kiss that Arie and Emily share on the carousel is so hot it’ll make your teeth sweat. I haven’t seen kisses this romantic since Ashley and JP! I love how Arie caresses Emily’s head and hair with his hand! Guys pay attention – girls love this!
From former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky: “Now onto the good stuff – Emily’s date with Arie. I absolutely loved her reaction to Dolly Parton – it was adorable. I’m a big Dolly fan myself and I’m also a big Arie fan — though his dancing could use some work. (Sorry Arie! Ha.)
Now I want to explain why I said in my blog last week that I believe Arie wins Emily’s heart. Here is my reasoning: Arie got the 4th date of the season. Based on that I am 100% sure he is the guy she picks in the end. You might be thinking I am crazy for thinking she picks him strictly based on this information and I’ll explain. I said this last season and the season before. Almost every season the one who gets the girl (or guy) in the end got the 3rd or 4th one-on-one date of the season. Why? Because you (meaning the Bachelorette) know the very first night that you like that person; therefore, you don’t feel the need to go out on a date with them the first week because you know you are keeping them the following week. Let me break this down for you guys:
Jillian’s season: Ed had 3rd date
Jake’s season: Vienna had 3rd date
My season: Roberto had 3rd date
Brad’s season: Emily had 4th date
Ashley’s season: JP had 4th date
Ben’s season is the exception. I think Courtney had 2nd date
So maybe it’s more accurate for me to say that whoever gets a date in the second week is usually the one standing in the end. Could that mean Chris might be the guy in the end? I highly doubt it. They just didn’t have the same chemistry that Emily and Arie had – heck, I didn’t think they had any chemistry at all. You know that saying, save the best one for last? Well in Bachelor world, you save the best one for third or fourth.
And obviously this isn’t my only reasoning. At the end of the date Emily says that she already fell in love with his personality. Well, that’s all that matters. Game over. He is totally the guy for her. Excited to watch their love story throughout the season.”
From Bachelor/ette host Chris Harrison: “As if Emily hadn’t endured enough this week, she then sat down with Alessandro. He immediately shot himself in the foot when he told Emily that he would consider a life with Emily and her daughter a “compromise.” This is something every woman longs to hear, by the way. But what you hadn’t seen until the end of the show was how bizarre Alessandro acted in front of Emily’s friends. The golden tidbits started with him admitting to have dated his cousin (third cousin), followed by other great admissions like cheating and having one-night stands. And the bizarre behavior didn’t stop there. Alessandro had also used some of his down time at the house to build some sort of psychic refuge, complete with homemade crosses and candles. (I’m not kidding.) After Emily picked her jaw up off the ground she kicked Alessandro’s butt to the curb so fast it made his third cousin’s head spin. By the time we got to the rose ceremony Emily had already dismissed so many guys, only Stevie was sent home.
There was one more incident that didn’t seem like much that will be talked about later. That moment where Emily ran into Arie in the hall and they shared a kiss will have a ripple effect through the house, especially for Ryan. We had to cover a lot this week and it’s only getting better as we move forward and the stakes are raised.”
From Ben Flajnik’s season, Kacie Boguskie: “ARIE… #2 one-on-one date… They’re headed to DOLLYWOOD! They’re coming to East Tennessee, my home! So I know they’re in a romantic place They ride the Wild Eagle at the “happiest place on earth” and survive unscathed! But the best part of this date is when Dolly shows up with the twins I would have loved some love advice and a private concert from her! Emily is a lucky girl. I’m putting that on my bucket list… Please take note Ms. Parton. Emily was sincerely surprised! I don’t have much else to say because we all saw their kiss at the end…enough said! She’s into Arie…as she should be.”
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