Monday night on the season finale of The Bachelorette aka “Which unemployed professional athlete will 25-year-old Jojo Fletcher pick to be her life-partner?”, Bachelorette Jojo had to make the heart-wrenching decision between ex pro NFL star Jordan Rodgers, 27 and ex professional swimmer Robby Hayes, 27.
The highlight of the episode was seeing Jojo’s family again. Her mother, Soraya Fletcher was as amazing as ever. In fact I would encourage,….. no, implore ABC to give Soraya a spin-off ASAP.
Even after several chugs of wine Soraya is suspicious of Jordan’s motives. She questions him about how serious he is about her daughter and makes him swear on the birth of his unborn child that he will never break her heart.
Jordan delivers the needed assurance albeit not very convincingly. But luckily Soraya has had enough glasses of wine that she does not notice Jordan’s lack of enthusiasm.
Then we get to see the two hot brothers again! First, Ben Patton, who actually had a contract to be the Bachelor for several years before allowing NBC to buy out said contract and put him on a very sad Bachelor knock-off called Ready for Love which lasted for all of 2 episodes before being cancelled…but I digress.
And the oldest brother Matt Patton, who I’m pretty sure is running some sort of shady but very lucrative “import export” maritime shipping “business” out of the Middle East.
But what the heck happened with these two alpha-males?! They were both very low key and mild-mannered giving Jojo approval to choose either guy.
They did express a few reservations about Jordan, but in the end gave their full approval to both.
I mean if ever the two should have gotten all big brother “don’t f@ck with my little sister or I will kill you…I have connections and lots of big ships”…it should have been with these two men who were both embroiled in some very serious cheating rumors and or ex girlfriend drama.
But instead they were like “yeah, whatev….we prefer Robby, but which ever one you like, we totally approve and support your decision”.
This is even AFTER Jordan did not solicit the obligatory approval from father Joseph Fletcher!
I mean who are we kidding? Poor Robby never had a chance even with Jordan’s abysmal performance.
It was obvious when Jojo learned that Jordan had not asked her father for her hand in marriage and she had a full meltdown. If she was genuinely torn she would have been like “thank God, problem solved. it’s Robby”.
She confesses after her date with Jordan,
“I can’t stop thinking about why Jordan didn’t ask my dad or my mom, or anyone in my family for their blessing and so I don’t know. It just confuses me and makes me wonder where he stands….I don’t know what that means”….
Really Jojo? You “don’t know what that means”?
Luckily producers have tipped Jordan off that Jojo is very upset about him ‘dropping the ball’ since they are very worried (with good reason) that this season will not have a happy ending.
So he immediately tells her that he messed up and felt weird asking for her hand in marriage upon meeting the father for the very first time.
Actually the conversation goes like this…..
“What’s going on in your head?”, Jojo asks Jordan.
“How did you feel talking to my dad” (hint, hint).
“It felt great”, Jordan replies. Clearly “forming words” is not Jordan’s strong suit.
He fumbles big time and tries make the save saying, “all I really wanted do was ask him if I can get on one knee, but I didn’t.”
Jojo is clearly upset since the two had a legally binding verbal agreement in the Fantasy Suites that Jordan would ask her father for her hand in marriage upon meeting him for the first time.
“We talked about this in our overnight…how important it was to get his blessing…”
Really that’s how you spent your time in the Fantasy Suites?
“When I found out you didn’t I was really disappointed”, she says.
“It makes me doubt if you are really ready” (to enter into a lifetime commitment with me after dating me non monogamously for 9 weeks.)
Jordan contradicts himself multiple times, but that doesn’t seem to matter to Jojo so long as she can get him on record entering into a verbal agreement to propose the next day.
Jordan tries to play the Robby card saying,
“I didn’t feel comfortable knowing he hadn’t meant Robby”. Oh no, no, no, Jordan. The “you are in love with someone else and trying to make up your mind at the last minute” excuse won’t fly here.
Lamenting about how he loved Jojo but just had not quite gotten the final approval yet Jojo grills Jordan with hypotheticals,
“So what happens 2 days from now, you don’t get that…your not down on one knee? Then what?”
And then she delivers my favorite line.
“We don’t have time”.
Hahahahaha! There are deadlines here people. Chop, chop.
Come on Jordan! You know the drill.
At this point I am wondering if Jordan is ready to bail just in the nick of time to be The Bachelor, but I think he realizes it’s too late so he better just get with the program instead.
I’m sure Jordan got a good smack-down from producers behind the scenes who must have told him to shape up.
So Jordan tries to retrieve the ball he dropped by calling her dad, Joseph Fletcher and asking for Jojo’s hand in marriage.
Soraya says “we’ve been waiting for your call”…hahahahaha!
They surprisingly give the Ok without hesitation.
Producers, I mean Jordan, then write the obligatory last minute love letter to Jojo which both Jojo and Jordan read in synchronized soliloquies during their ITMs.
And praise the Lord! Jojo had “the moment of clarity” she needed on the very last day…thanks to “prayer” …. and producers.
Jojo is hyperventilating in full panic mode, but totally sure of her decision.
Jordan, on the other hand, could not sound less excited about the big day, but he is excited for them to work together as a “team”.
I have to say. I have been watching this show since DAY 1 and Jordan’s proposal was the worst and least believable proclamation of ever-dying love I have ever seen.
But Jojo is clearly blinded by her feelings for Jordan and does not seem to notice his lack of enthusiasm or lack of charisma.
He did appear relieved when it was over. So I will give him credit for that. I think he is genuinely excited to date Jojo and go on the media tour, but does he hear wedding bells? No way. Not at this point in their “journey”.
Stay tuned! Undoubtedly there will be more updates to come…
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