Bachelor in Paradise ep 2 Situation breakdown

Last night the premiere of Bachelor in Paradise aired and tonight we got a bonus episode that delivered a bevy of brand new situations.

Situation 1: The intro!!! Oh my God! What is going on with ABC’s budget lately? Who created this intro? An introductory editing class? The intro was soooooo Three’s Company “Come and Knock on our door”. The montage to 80’s love song “Almost Paradise” features Chris Harrison plugging his new book by reading it, sister tag team Ashley I. and Lauren getting pummeled by a wave, Ashley S catches a coconut, and then there are a slew of 3/4 turns.

Situation 2: Ashley Salter who barely says a peep on the premiere but is hauled off in an ambulance at the end returns from the Hospital, and from “the best date ever” with Dan Cox who chases after her when he sees her leaving on the gurney ….. and he realizes that he does not have a girl to save him in a rose ceremony yet—good move!

“I definitely didn’t think my first date in paradise would be in an emergency room, but I’m glad it was,” said Dan.

Situation 3: Mikey Tenerelli sets up a very sexy date with Clare Crawley who he confesses to having a huge crush on. Clare is not super impressed with the self-professed alpha-male—bad sign when even Clare is not remotely interested in you. The sexy yoga is really uncomfortable to watch.CLARE CRAWLEY, MIKEY TENERELLI

Crawley says, “All I keep thinking of is, I hope I don’t have to rub privies with Mikey on our first date.”…..juxtaposed to Mikey….”It was a turn-on, it was steamy. I felt everything,” he continued. “Everything feels good on Clare, everything. Forget the adventure, I’d rather be lying around sweaty with Clare any day of the week” …followed by the worst quote ever, “My favorite position was Downward Clare, and hopefully one day I’ll get to experience that firsthand instead of in front of all you people” – oh no he did not.

Mikey then tries to call dibs on Clare in the Jacuzzi, but she shuts him down.CLARE CRAWLEY, MIKEY TENERELLI

Situation 3: Jared Haibon is a HUGE hit with the ladies—and shockingly does not have a lot of experience with the ladies in real life according to RS.

Ashley I. is already scheduling Fantasy Suite dates in her mindTenley refers to herself as a Cougar because she is so hot for Jared and then there is Clare. Anywhere there is a Bachelor/ette love triangle you will find Clare.

Ashley I. vowed….”I’m going to have to claim my stake.” 

Situation 4: Ashley I. has a meltdown when she sees Jared and Clare simply making a rose ceremony agreement.ashley-cry2

Situation 5: Jillian Anderson gets the boot from JJ despite her new boob job and make-out session. Ouch! I guess there is only room for one alpha-male in “paradise”. Remember Chris Soules was not feelin’ J at all despite the super slutty outfits. 

Stay tuned. This trainwreck is only going to get worse.

Photo Source: ABC

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