On part 2 of the Vanderpump Rules Reunion Tom Sandoval contends that girlfriend Kristen Doute has Borderline personality disorder (BPD), which I have to admit I actually had thought prior to anyone saying anything.
He says:
‘I feel its a psychological problem. You can read the symptoms for BPD. Kristen it describes your actions to a tee, it describes your behavior to a tee.’
He is right– her behavior is classic BPD–the constant pushing and pulling with Tom and the pattern of marked impulsivity and instability.
When I heard the story of her giving Jax oral sex while Tom was in the other room and her initiating the action an alarm went off in my head.
That is classic behavior of a BPD person. They are very sexual in an impersonal way, while they disengage from the person they supposedly love. They are hypersexual with strangers or acquaintances, but become celibate with relationship partners. BTW Jax has his own ‘psychological’ problems—when a BPD meets a sex addict–watch out–someone is gonna get laid.
This whole show is like a case study in abnormal psychology!
Also Kristen having sex with Tom’s friend James Kennedy in Tom’s bed with his condoms was also classic BPD. They have serious problems with boundaries. Yes both Kristen and Tom cheated, but Kristen’s cheating was more of a betrayal and showed a serious lack of boundaries. Tom’s cheating was more typical of how one cheats when one is in an unhappy relationship.
Tom also often talked about how Kristen would not have sex with him or even sleep in the same bed. We learned the two would go for months with no sexual contact.
Kristen did not even “like” Jax so why the bl@wj@b? They also had sex without “kissing”–Ironic since Tom’s cheating was “kissing”. Kristen wanted sex without intimacy. Tom was not getting intimacy and he sought it somewhere else.
BPDs have intense fears of shame and abandonment and oscillate between narcissism and complete self-hatred, often engaging in physically destructive behavior like cutting or bulimia or drugs and alcohol. They also shift from love to hate from positive to negative after a disappointment and a perceived threat of losing someone. The behavior is sometimes called splitting because of the dramatic shift.
BPDs can also turn it ON and turn it OFF. They will leave a partner high and dry and wondering what happened while they seamlessly move on to a new obsession without first processing and getting over the first.
It’s important to note that people with BPD almost ALWAYS have suffered severe trauma or abuse at a young age, around the age of three. I strongly suspect Kristen suffered from some sort of sexual abuse as a child. There is a bit of disagreement over whether the condition can be cured or not. Right now professionals ‘manage’ the condition.
Loading ... Loading ...When the person experiences the trauma the brain shuts down and stops developing emotionally in order to protect themselves. In short, even though they are grown adults, often very successful, they are still 3-year-olds emotionally, deathly afraid of being abandoned.
Hopefully more help will become available and more will be known about this condition soon.
The last time we made a very unprofessional diagnosis of someone on a reality TV show, it was Courtney Robertson on The Bachelor–who also hooked up with Jax Taylor BTW!!!
Featured Image: Bravo
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Actually, I think you’re quite ignorant about borderline personality disorder. It is absolutely 100% curable with DBT, and it’s extremely irritating the way you write about it as if you were some type of expert in the field.
It is NOT 100 percent curable. You are acting as if you are the expert and you’re not.
I don’t think you or Tom we’re being disrespectful by talking about the potential for BPD here. The behaviors do appear similar and if it gets her or anyone to learn more about the illness that is positive. Bpd is not a joke and really ruins a ton of people’s lives – putting a spotlight on it might help a lot of people understand each other better and those with Bpd to get treatment. Dialectical behavior therapy has been proven to quell the painful behavior over many years. There is hope for people with Bpd
Dont let the commenters get you down, Ms. Lo….you have said and done nothing wrong.
To add to my commentary, those who would bully someone they suspect had a mental illness, or “accuse” someone of having BPD or any other condition, are truly cruel and pathetic. Eventually their cruelty will be directed toward each other, given the ugly circumstances which brought them together.
For Tom and Ariana to throw in their two cents about a psychological condition is not even laughable, it’s ignorant and cruel.These people are not professionals, have not studied psychology, and have not completed the grueling requirements for an advanced degree. “Reading an article” about BPD, or any disorder, does not make one a professional.It is also trivializing a serious illness that affects thousands. These 2 people are truly classless and immature.
Look I am not trying to trivialize this AT ALL. believe me. I actually had thought for a while Kristen was BPD, but didn’t want to say anything because I did not want to be ‘mean’, but it was brought up VERY publicly by Tom and Ariana so that Pandoras box was opened–not by me. They are right. And to deny this is the core issue here is very destructive IMHO.
I mean BPDs seriously victimize the people they are dating. They wreak havoc and leave a trail of carnage and leave the other person questioning themselves. Tom was seriously victimized by her.
And that should not be ignored. But also in bringing up the BPD, and it is WAY more common than people think, it explains a lot and it also takes some of the blame away from Kristen.
Oh child please.
I do believe you are right about Kristen and her issues, but to sit there and talk about BPD as though you were a professional I think is a bit out of line, and increases the stigma that comes along with this challenging mental illness. I’m not saying that some of Kristen’s behavior wasn’t confusing and hurtful towards others, but BPD is very complex, and in a way a type of post traumatic stress disorder. People with BPD have little control over their emotions and themselves at times, and are usually not deliberately manipulative or out to get someone.
I can speak to you like this because I have BPD — you can overcome it, but I have been discouraged in the past by people who don’t know what they are talking about and say that you can’t. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of support, but it IS possible.
If someone sits there with a broken leg, you don’t laugh at or criticize them for not being able to walk on it, and yet with mental illness we have no problem laughing at someone with a broken psyche.
This illness has affected my life so much, I can’t even explain. I am that 5 year old who everyone judges and gets frustrated with and ultimately abandons, and it’s awful. It feels like I’m hardwired to lose. It’s incredibly painful to watch everyone else move on while I’m stuck on stupid and feeling disconnected from it all without fully understanding why. So you can all sit there amused by everyone who exhibits this childish behavior and laugh about/analyze it, but at the very least I hope you will remember that they are human too.
I realize this is a sensitive issue and I am sorry if I offended you. I just think this girl was seriously abused. She is acting like she was abused as a kid and that’s a big deal. I mean I hope I am wrong and I hope she can change.
I am sorry if I offended you. I edited the part about it being permanent. I don’t want to say that. I mean who knows what they will learn about it. It just means this person has very very deep wounds and I think Kristen does and its gonna take some work to deal with that.
Thank you for considering my comment and for changing your article – that was very kind of you and I know you didn’t mean to offend anyone.
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