Stassi Schroeder confesses mini break up with Patrick and teams up with arch enemy Kristen Doute

Vanderpump Rules is always shockingly shameless, but Monday night they officially entered bizarro world when Stassi Schroeder goes over to Kristen Doute’s apartment to lament about her mini breakup with boyfriend Patrick Meagher, 36 and the two decide to be roommates.

Although I think it was less about making “nice” and more about making money because Stassi, like Lisa is after all a business woman and Stassi has realized the hard way that you don’t bite the hand that feeds you and you don’t throw all of your eggs into the basket of a guy you met on Twitter and you don’t make sex tapes on your I-Phone for your boyfriend.

So Stassi plays nice with Kristen Doute who is in the same boat. Both are hanging on by a thread to their lucrative gig on Vanderpump Rules. And we know the cast has very generous salaries per boss Lisa Vanderpump.

So when Kristen shows up she is trying to figure out how to get rid of new boyfriend Kevin, Jax’ friend from Austin, Texas who has fallen head over heels for the online T-shirt mogul (also he’s looking for an escape from his sort of girlfriend in Texas) so he moves in with Kristen, bit Kristen is ova’ it.

Thankfully Jax gives Kristen an easy way out since Kevin has a girlfriend back home. More on that in a second.

Stassi and Kristen gloat about Jax recent arrest in Hawaii. In fact Stassi claims that when Jax came and stayed with her dad and dad’s girlfriend in New Orleans the girlfriend had some very expensive and fancy Asian stalking which Jax stoled and gave to the girls he was cheating on Stassi with (unless he kept them for himself which is totally possible). “Everybody he knows he steals” Stassi says. She then pulls out a change purse that the 36-year-old bartender stole for her when they first began dating.

Source: Bravo
Source: Bravo

Kristen also shockingly invites Stassi to live with her since her and Patrick have supposedly broken up. And Stassi accepts the offer citing her serious dire straights. She also comments on the great irony of moving in with the girl who slept with her ex boyfriend……twice.

The most intense moment in bizzaro world came when Stassi had to confront/apologize to boss Lisa Vanderpump. First of all Stassi is such a pro she throws on a green dress insisting that green is an apology color! I am making a note of that for any future apologies I need to give out.

Anyhow Stassi appears very humbled and repentant but it doesn’t matter. She is toast! It’s obvious that Lisa has been waiting for this moment for months. And quickly you realize the real stinger that did Stassi in was when she called Lisa Vanderpump “an old woman” in an ITM. I think Lisa is fine with the cast lamenting about her so long as they do not call her “an old woman”. I’m sure everyone in West Hollywood knows that.

Everyone in West hollywood also knows that Lisa Vanderpump runs the gay mafia and if you get on her bad side you are done for. Unfortunately Stassi got a little arrogant and drunk on her popularity thinking there was nothing she could do that would prompt Lisa to boot her permanently, but she was wrong.

Anyhow, Lisa rips Stassi to shreds. But you can tell she is loving every minute of it and she is loving that Stassi has to confront the other cast members. BTW, I think it’s pretty obvious that the behind the scenes convo went something like this. Stassi calls Lisa begging for her job back. Lisa tells her if she wants any airtime at all on VP Rules she will have to get the approval of her castmates which she knows will be near impossible but fun to watch.

So Stassi is angry that Lisa is being so hard on her proclaiming,

“they’ve all forgiven each other for doing shitty things. I feel like why can’t they forgive me?”

Ok so then there is the Stassi sex tape situation which is epic!

Apparently Stassi made a sex tape on her I-Phone for a boyfriend who worked at SUR whom she met right after breaking up with Jax. Lisa, in typical gay mafia fashion, apparently paid the ex boyfriend $900 in a dark back alley to not release said sex tape but Stassi is angry that Lisa did not get a contract….and admittedly, kind of a bad move on Lisa’s part. All she needed the guy to do was sign a 1 page statement, but hindsight is 20/20 when dealing with sex tape situations.

Lisa tells Stassi she should be grateful and told her she knew he was sleazy when he worked at SUR and thats why she fired him.

Lisa asks Stassi, “I wanna know what you want?” and Stassi apologizes profusely.

“I’m sure you’re sorry because it suits you now to be sorry.”

Lisa says,

“Stassi knows if she wants to get back with this group, she has to come and confront me. makes me wonder how sincere this apology is.”

Obviously the subtext is I want my six figure job back on Vanderpump Rules because my blog is not doing so great and neither is my relationship.

But Lisa is going to make her WORK FOR IT!!! She has to come face to face with Tom and Katie next week and it appears that they have veto power!!!

Lisa Vanderpump is a GENUIS!!

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