Vanderpump Rules season 4 Reunion part 3 Recap
Monday night season 4 of Vanderpump Rules wrapped with part 3 of the Reunion and the cast rehashed the remaining season 4 situations: including an under-valued sex tape, an unfortunate rim job, penis sizes, and a post breakup Beamer sexcapade.
1: Stassi Schroeder blasts Lisa Vanderpump for not getting a contract on her $900 sex tape
First situation: After unsuccessfully lobbying boss Lisa Vanderpump for her job back on the show, Stassi Schroeder rips in to Lisa because Lisa met with her ex boyfriend behind SUR and gave him $900 to not release the tape. Stassi insists that Lisa demanded that she and her parents pay Lisa back the $900 ransom.
Lisa claims that she was just blasting Stassi for being ungrateful. Stassi claims that Lisa made the deal without including her in it and never got a contract with the ex to ensure that he could not still release the tape.
Which is a very valid concern! I suspect this is not the last that we will hear (or maybe see) about the Stassi sex tape situation. In fact, no doubt Lisa Vanderpump will likely release the sex tape herself under her new adult film label ‘LVP XXX ‘.
Lisa is a genius at exploiting the sexual exploits of her employees.
2: Lala Kent and her ex boyfriend have stopped speaking because of me
Second situation: Andy Cohen asks LaLa Kent about the infamous rim job revelation revealed by her sort of boyfriend British DJ James Kennedy. Lala is really distraught because the big reveal has apparently caused a HUGE rift between her and her ex boyfriend Hayes Pullard and they are no longer speaking…..and it’s my fault.
Why is it my fault? Well I asked her some questions back in November like after episode 2 about her ex boyfriend. Unbeknownst to me several months later after releasing his name to the world James Kennedy would reveal to the world that Lala gave Hayes an RJ.
3: James and Jax square off
Third situation: This brings us to situation #3, James Kennedy’s penis size. Because Lala lashed out at James for discussing her indiscretions in the bedroom with the world.
But Andy mentioned that Lala let the world know that James did not fit into any of her healthy male-sized condoms, aka James has a small penis (BUT we do know it’s bigger than Tom Sandoval’s so it can’t be that bad).
It’s all about scale right? And it’s all relative and since Lala is used to being with a beefy black guy, poor James never had a chance in that department.
Anyhow James has a big ‘bone’ to pick with his foe 36-year-old Jax Taylor, first accusing him of being “old” then accusing him of being “jealous”, then accusing him of having a smaller penis than him.
“You’re jealous, mate. I said it once I’ll say it again ’till the day I die.” James then had the audacity to insist his penis was bigger than Jax and offered to pull it out….as soon as he got a “half chub”.
“I’ve got ten times more talent in the bag than this guy could ever dream of,” James continued. “I’m trying to do Coachella one day and big things.”
In the end who won?
James definitely wins for wit and charm, but Jax ALWAYS wins for penis size.
4: Kristen Doute and James Kennedy have breakup sex
Fourth situation: Apparently Kristen Doute and James had sex post breakup in a “Beamer”…maybe the same Beamer from the infamous “Beamer selfie”.
The big “beef” here was the exact location of the sexual indiscretion. Kristen insisted the sex occurred inside her car, but James claims that Kristen was bent over her Beamer’s hood.
Why does the exact location of the sex-capade matter?
I guess because James is dead set on trying to humiliate Kristen, but jokes on him because like Stassi said Kristen has had a “Shame”-ectomy and feels no shame.
Stay tuned for season 5!
Part 2 Reunion recap
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